End of Summer Blues

Sadie, Mom, and Ben earlier this summer on a little fishing trip. It was what Sadie wanted for her birthday.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything: until about an hour ago I was completely dreading going back to school at the end of this week.

I've been reading all of my friend's thoughts on Facebook- everyone's reaching out to each other with "I can't wait to see you!"s. It will be amazing to see my girls after a few excruciating months without them, but I'm not feeling ready to cope with the less ideal parts of college after spending all summer in the comforts of home and laziness. When I think of college I find myself remembering late nights every night under a mountain of work and how cold those treks to class and dinner are during the school year. Being with my family after a year away has made me appreciate and miss them even more, and I'm just positively dreading not being able to see Truchi until November.

Truchi and I, the evening of our last visit for the summer.

I'm also nervous about my coming year. I'm sort of going through freshman year twice because I'll be in all new environment- new major, new teachers, new people. Last year I was so full of leftover angst and frustration from high school that I attacked my first year of college with fireworks of energy and eagerness but now I'm just feeling drained. I hope I can pull the same enthusiasm into this year and less magnetism for negativity and bad luck. I'm proud to have made a good impression on my teachers and classmates last year, but now I have to wonder if I can do it again. Thinking about all this makes me hiccup with worry.

But like I said, about an hour ago I had an epiphany. I was thinking about how freshman year was all about standing out at auditions, going to rehearsals or crew until ten at night, building up and repairing a reputation from scratch, and simply learning how to survive sanely in the giant college juggling act. But this year I don't have to worry about any of that stuff, not really. Those things were about 85% of my daily life, and I realized that means I now have 85% of my life to fill with...well, whatever I want.

That little schedule shift in my head made my whole body loosen and relax instantly. Finally things I imagined myself doing in college seem reachable, like working on my organization, which is hard to do when you barely have time to grab some lunch. Now who knows- I may have time to go to lectures, all those campus events I missed out on last year, and I'll actually be able to commit to a few clubs here and there! It sounds so simple and insignificant but I've always wanted to hold a leadership role in a school organization, and maybe this year I'll finally get that chance. In high school that was never an option because elections were just disguised popularity contests, but college is different, right?

Anyway, the point is I decided to stop being scared and to think outside my worried restraints, and now I'm feeling much more positively about the year.

Mom and Sadie baking in their pajamas and aprons.

But I'll still miss my mommy.

love, rudi

New York City: Part 1

For those unfortunate few who haven't been inducted into the "I know everything about Rudi's life" club,
you should know that I love my school and my school has a pretty good way of telling me that it loves me too.

What I mean is Stephens sent me to New York City for one week. It was President Lynch's idea, and she set up a week's worth of interviews and lunches with Stephens alum who have had experiences that I hope to one day have. Dare I state the obvious and say this trip was amazing, and a huge inspiration for me? More on that later.

First thing's first in the city: Visit your friends!

My good friend Dylan (read her Stephens blog about life in our theater here) is interning at Pineda Conservatory of the Performing Arts in New Jersey, so she was just a train ride away! We met in Greenwich Village for lunch and some catching up, and found a restaurant that not only sells the "Esty Sald", which we pretended was named after Stephens dance goddess (I mean teacher) Carol Esty, but also sells FaFa's Chicken! My baby sister has called me FaFa since she was teeny tiny, so it was such a symbolic welcomingon NYC's part to name my very first meal there after me!

I had tea with Mara McEwin, who cofounded her own theater company Treehouse Shakers with her friend Emily Bunning. Isn't that neat?! I got to pick her brain about how she accomplished this amazing feat, from the funding to the bravery to start from scratch,
in New York nonetheless. It completely blew my mind that it's even possible for for people to say, "Well, let's start a theatre company. And let's make it really successful and live out our dream." and then actually achievethat particular goal.
I definitely learned a lesson about bravery during our tea date.

Oh, and I bet you wish this picture was in focus! So do I. 

Part II coming right up!

love, rudi 

Connecticut, Land of the Fun

Boy. My head is so overwhelmed, I've got to catch you all up on what's been going on in my life this month!

For the 4th of July week I went to Connecticut with my boyfriend and his mother to visit their extended family, all of whom I had either met between 0-2 times, and all of whom are funny, Italian,
and perfectly fit the description of what I expect funny Italian North-Easterners to be.
We did a lot of beaching and visiting, but mostly we spent a lot of time eating. Actually, I think I spent most of my time eating during my entire vacation up north. At least, that's what I have the most pictures of! 

It was such a blast going to barbecues and hanging around with Chris' family. They're such a fun crew!

Coming up next: My amazing Stephens trip to New York!

love, rudi