Saturday, May 12

Past Tense: Future Perfect

When graduation times come around, I worry that I come off as a grump. I don't get very sentimental, and I can't remember the last time I cried at a goodbye. Even my own high school graduation was without a single tear, and my lack of nostalgia was apparent.

So, this year, when several pals of mine were prepping up for graduation, I unsatisfied everyone by refusing to be upset. It's not that I won't miss them or that I'm ignoring the awesome fact that they're about to embark on a huge milestone in their lives, it's that I'm way to happy about the excitement of their future to do anything but push them out the door! I spent the last 3 years of high school counting the days until I could move on to something bigger and more exciting- I never, ever believed people when they said high school would be the happiest years of my life. I find holding on to the past to be so stifling- focusing on the future is so much more energizing and exciting than trying to hold on to the past and to live in memories.

My first week home for summer vacation has been spent packing up my childhood home and digging through memories. We move to North Carolina today, and once again I feel harsh when I honestly say that I have absolutely no sad or negative feelings about this move- I'm not going to miss this town or this house at all. I have no problem with never eating at favorite restaurants again, driving down familiar roads, attending annual festivals. I love my house, and it'll be a bummer not to have the comfortable little nooks and my favorite parts of the house anymore. I'll have to find some new favorite parts.

Packing this week I've had to downsize a lot, which means my 3rd grade journals and pre-school drawings were tossed in the recycling bins. I had to decide what childhood mementos I was going to keep and which ones were destined for Goodwill- and being a Toy Story loves it was sometimes a hard decision to condemn my old toys to certain death. But now that we're loading the cars up, cleaned out and with our pasts in giant contractor bags on the curb, I really feel free. I feel light enough to run much further than I could otherwise.

Wish us luck!!

love, rudi

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