Past Tense: Future Perfect

When graduation times come around, I worry that I come off as a grump. I don't get very sentimental, and I can't remember the last time I cried at a goodbye. Even my own high school graduation was without a single tear, and my lack of nostalgia was apparent.

So, this year, when several pals of mine were prepping up for graduation, I unsatisfied everyone by refusing to be upset. It's not that I won't miss them or that I'm ignoring the awesome fact that they're about to embark on a huge milestone in their lives, it's that I'm way to happy about the excitement of their future to do anything but push them out the door! I spent the last 3 years of high school counting the days until I could move on to something bigger and more exciting- I never, ever believed people when they said high school would be the happiest years of my life. I find holding on to the past to be so stifling- focusing on the future is so much more energizing and exciting than trying to hold on to the past and to live in memories.

My first week home for summer vacation has been spent packing up my childhood home and digging through memories. We move to North Carolina today, and once again I feel harsh when I honestly say that I have absolutely no sad or negative feelings about this move- I'm not going to miss this town or this house at all. I have no problem with never eating at favorite restaurants again, driving down familiar roads, attending annual festivals. I love my house, and it'll be a bummer not to have the comfortable little nooks and my favorite parts of the house anymore. I'll have to find some new favorite parts.

Packing this week I've had to downsize a lot, which means my 3rd grade journals and pre-school drawings were tossed in the recycling bins. I had to decide what childhood mementos I was going to keep and which ones were destined for Goodwill- and being a Toy Story loves it was sometimes a hard decision to condemn my old toys to certain death. But now that we're loading the cars up, cleaned out and with our pasts in giant contractor bags on the curb, I really feel free. I feel light enough to run much further than I could otherwise.

Wish us luck!!

love, rudi

Finals!

Today is the first day of finals.

Last year I remember being so scattered and frenzied, but this year I feel so calm and ready. It's really satisfying to see progress in myself like this- I've learned to be better prepared and to pace myself. My mental calmness and balance has gotten so much better through this year, and maybe it's all the long hours alone in the design labs, but I feel really confident and happy when I'm alone.

I think being able to appreciate alone time is so important. I used to worry that I was antisocial whenever I  didn't want to hang out with friends or go out, but now I know that my introvert ways are healthy for me. Realizing this about myself has made me so happy.

Anyway- to get back on track- good luck to all of you with your finals! I'm probably not helping by talking about how good I feel about finals week- if you need to borrow some of my relaxed vibes I'll definitely send them your way!

love, rudi

Our library stays open super late during pre-finals week, and they shower us in candy and the most delicious donuts you've ever had. 

I love this school. So. Much. Because, yeah, sometimes you just really could use a donut. 

photo courtesy of Maddie Zavala

love, rudi