So I've got really great news.
I can't really recall if I mentioned this in full to you all, but I've had piles of heavy metaphorical boxes overflowing with gritty problems crushing down on my brain since I've arrived here. After speaking with many special people in my world, I've come to discover that things get crazy for everyone the first year of college, for better or for worse, and no matter how sane you were previously you will reach the craziest depth of your psyche within the first semester.
Well I've reached that scary dark corner of my mind, and now I'm enjoying the steady climb back up to the lighter part of life.
I've been having fun!
I told you all that tech week (for you non-theater folk, 'tech week' = 'pure chaos, everyone's tired') began for our show Collected Stories. We have our final performance tonight! I'm so proud of everyone!
I didn't tell you that on the last night of tech, before opening night, I went along with the costume/design gang to a midnight tryst at Ihop! And it was Pokemon/My Little Pony themed (Yaaay costume department!)!
I had a blast! For that two hours I felt myself really slip back into the old Rudi- I forgot I was ever in a bad mood in my life, and just had fun sharing stories, harassing the waiter, and laughing until my cheeks burned. Plus I had Pumpkin pancakes. I love pumpkin pancakes.
And then last night, after a long day of classes and running backstage at the show, I wearily collapsed here in front of my computer, fully expecting to blog a little and then go to bed early. Instead I was surprised by a crew of really, really amazing girls that I regretfully don't get to see as often as I'd like to. They invited themselves over, plopped on my floor, and didn't leave until two in the morning after a night of gentle heart-to-hearts, cheerfully denting my supply of sea salt caramels, and making me see hope in what I had determined as a hopeless situation. In my life I don't think I've been so openly, sincerely supported and loved by genuine friends.
This past week I've done a lot of personal healing, figuring myself out and becoming comfortable in my own head again, but last night I began getting comfortable with others. I've been very worried, not about making friends but creating friendships- real friendships that are healthy and trustworthy, where I can be silly or solemn. I was beginning to think that those types of friendships don't exist. Now I know they do, and even if these particular girls who visited me aren't those true, diehard friends I'm searching for, I know that I am capable of having a friendship like theirs.
The beauty of everything is how random it all was, it's convinced me that I should never keep my chin down for too long.
Here's Audra, one of those great girls, in the headband I ( really randomly) decided to make her while we all gabbed on my floor.
If you ladies are reading this, consider yourself heavily, heartily thanked.